25 months of pain and joy

I cannot believe that it has been 2 years and 1 month tomorrow without Michael Jackson.  It is hard for me to believe that I made it.  I never thought I could.  My heart and my spirit were so broken when Michael died that it took a real effort to remember to breathe.  At times I found myself breathless and gasping for air.  As if my lungs were closed and could not accept the air they needed to function.  Sleep escaped me.  I went days and days without being able to close my eyes and rest.  I had no appetite for food, only for information and pictures and words and song, anything… everything that put Michael back where he belonged, in this world with me.  It worked, for a time, and then the more that I learned about his death and all the intricate details surrounding it, even those things became mundane and it became my passion to try to piece the puzzle together that was just beginning to form.  And it was huge.  Larger than life and more sinister than I would have ever imagined.  It was the most horrible news I had ever gotten, that Michael Jackson had died.  But it became multiplied exponitiously when I learned that he didn’t just die, but was taken from us.  That made my grief, my pain, my emotional despair all the more complex.  I was angry. I was hurt.  I was a total, complete mess of a human being.  As I said, I never thought I would be here today, especially totally calm and enjoying the many, many gifts left behind by this man I’ve come to call simply Angel.  But I am.  I am totally at peace in knowing that after 25 months, the world is more Michaelish.  Things are happening that never would have happened, major things, had it not been for Michael’s death.  And because I believe in God and His promise, one being that a child will lead them, I believe that Michael was taken back, albeit abruptly, because he had done what God had planned for him to do.  He is embedded in our hearts forever.  And if he is there, so is his vision.  We know what Michael’s vision was as well or even better than we know our own.  And we see it coming into fruition and even exploding across the planet where it is needed most.  So joyously I say, there is a lot of Michael in the world.  Though he be not here in the physical form, he is forever here in the hearts of those who loved him or who have gotten to love him since his passing.

Be ever wonderful my Angel of calm and peace.  In 25 short months, Michael Jackson has impacted the world more than any other human being dead or living with his message of love for all of God’s creations.  That could only have been attained by one from a higher source, and I believe in my heart, that Michael Jackson is that child of whom’s coming we had been foretold.

Life is fleeting, but love lives forever.  Michael is love.  He will never, ever die.

The very thought of him or the mention of his name, gives me unyielding joy and always, but always renders me forever speechless.  I will always love him more.

Cassie for Maxwell
7/24/2011