Year 3
I have made it on this planet without Michael’s physical presence for three long years. Never could’ve made it without my friends on all the forums and websites dedicated to Michael because I have very few people in my life who adore him the way that I do. Friends without faces, only loving hearts, have sustained me. Thank you for being here for people like me.
As I look back over these years, I am reminded of a line from the movie Sparkle, as she asked the poignant question of Stix: “Can you imagine how it feels to not know if you can live through another second? Well I got through the seconds, the minutes, the hours…” and now it has turned into 3 years. If I have ever had reason to question does God ever give us more than we can bear; that question is no longer relevant. I know unequivocally, beyond a shadow of any reasonable doubt that He does not. I have lived 3 years without a man who broke all barriers in winning over more hearts than any other human being who ever lived. My heart is in there. His death took my breath away. I could not eat. I could not sleep. And I truly believed that my heart was beyond repair. Time held no meaning because my every waking hour was spent with visions of him in high definition in the recesses and in the forefront of my tortured mind. Whether my eyes were open or shut, he was always there.
For me as with so many of us who never thought we’d being living in a world without the energy of Michael Jackson’s heartbeat, this journey has been long and hard and has tested my faith in the goodness of mankind. But as time passed, I have seen the power of love for human kind blossoming into something beautiful. Michael entrusted us with a legacy of so much love that it is almost impossible for it not to have taken root and begin to grow. He proved to me that his was not a selfish journey through this fascinating life taking only the high roads; but that his journey intentionally veered off oftentimes to the low lying valleys of the drown trodden and those not so fortunate in life. And in so doing he gave new hope and meaning to all of God’s people. In my eyes, he was a modern day Saint. In my heart, he will always be.
For this occasion I wanted to make a tribute video for Michael that was befitting him. But in retrospect I have decided to leave you with a story of what happened to me, just this day. To me, it was like a message from Michael telling me to let him go. God works in mysterious ways.
On my way home today, sitting and waiting for my bus in 90+ degree temperatures, a young man probably in his early 20s who was carrying in his hand a bunch of roses, came up to me. I don't know if it was because he sensed my sadness or if maybe he had noticed the many buttons I was wearing on my clothing depicting Michael Jackson's image. But he made his way straight to me and gave me a rose. He smiled and I thanked him tearfully and then he walked on away. His eyes were so kind I felt as though he could read my toughest.
As I held this beautiful rose in my hand under the scorching sun, it began to wither. I held it and tried to shied it from the heat that was taking away it's vibrance, but the petals just kept withering and the stem drooped. So I closed my hand around the bud to try to keep it strong enough until I finally was able to get home and put it into water.
When I arrived at my door and opened my hand, the rose had completely closed. And for some reason that broke my heart. I found a bud vase and filed it with life giving water & put the rose into it. But it never revived. It never came back, And it made me reevaluate how helpless we are in the face of this thing, this tin line between life and death, to change it.
So now, I sit here looking at this flower and I'm sobbing my heart out and feeling somehow that I failed to care enough. In all my effort, it still withered away. And it serves to remind me of just how fleeting life is and that sometimes, no matter what we do, it will simply slip away. And in retrospect, I am taken back to Michael and his last rehearsal. I see him vibrant, his petals open wide, full of life. He's back. He's back. And then, just a few hours later, the headless scream that he is gone. His petals fell away. The brightest most beautiful rose the weld has ever known, the rose that was Michael Jackson, under the watchful eye of the entire world, closed and died. He died. And there was nothing we could do to revive him and bring him back. He was gone. Much too soon.
One of my favorite movies of al times is IAm Sam. I am inclined to think that it must've been one of michael's too. I can almost envision him watching and cheering on and crying with the character Sam as he struggled with l.o.v.e. to not have his daughter whom he loved unconditionally and with all of his heart, from him. So as I celebrate Michael on this 3rd anniversary, and close this chapter and make my final post on this blog, I dedicate this song from that movie, and this short poem to him from my heart. I will never forget you, Michael Jackson. You will always be the catalyst behind every kind deed I do. In my lifetime there has never been and I have never known a love like your love. May peace be with you always.
People come into our lives for a reason
Sometimes good and sometimes bad
They might stay for a lifetime or only a season
And when they go you reflect on what you had
In my lifetime no one did it better
never since and no one ever before
& if I never again find love in my life
I'm content knowing that you loved me more
Michael Jackson always rocking my world and leaving me forever speechless
CassieForMaxwell
Song lyrics to Ben Folds - Golden Slumbers:
(Lennon/McCartney)
Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby
Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby
Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby
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