Can I vent for just a minute on MY OWN blog?

Can I just vent for a minute here? the devil is always busy Posted: 8/2/2012 - 1 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ] Category: English Messages   Being that his message was removed from another forum for content, I am re-posting here for safe keeping in my own blog.  Sometimes people have different views.  That doesn't mean their views are irrelevant.  That's life so I wish people would learn to just deal with it and move on.      And now that it has come up and is so out front, I cannot contain myself any longer.  I know what I am about to say will probably lose me some friends.  So be it.I love you still. But I have to speak what my heart tells me.  I have never and probably never will be on the Estate Executors list of staunch supporters because I feel they aspired to cheat Michael out of what is rightfully his or in the least became a part of the machine that did. It pains me so deeply even after more than three years to harbor still the feelings that these men came into Michael's life at a time when he was most vulnerable and under enormous pressure and stress to perform according to Thome's & AEG's contract.  In my small world,  these 2 men who were thought at one time to be friends to Michael joins with the list of others "just passing through" at an opportune time who turned out to be just another of the ghosts in a never ending nightmare.  I guess you wonder why I feel so strongly about this; and my answer points directly to 0-2 and the AEG contract  and Michael's anguish over them.  It is still in the forefront of my mind. So how does AEG and Branca/McClain come together?  I will do my best to explain.  In order to do that I must go directly to Branca & McClain and back to 2003 when Michael relieved them of their services, lock-stock-and barrel;  at which time demanding that all his documents, papers, etc. be returned to him placing them under suspicion & subsequent proof of mismanaging and embezzling funds in cahoots with SONY for personal gain.  Add to that the infamous Will, which by now everyone knows  was one of the things that was never returned at this dissolve and is currently under suspicion of being fraudulent by some family members.  For Branca & McClain I call that a "convenient" windfall.  Then of course there is Tohme Tohme (Michael's advisor) and Dennis Hawk (Michael's attorney during this process) working more against Michael than for him - in collusion with Michael's oppressors, namely AEG.   Both Hawk & Tohme seemed to be working more for AEG than for Michael Jackson; setting him up for complete failure and total dependence on them for any and everything yet handsomely allotting for payment to  themselves out of the mere pittance that was to be Michael's piece of the pie leaving him with virtually nothing but crumbs.  The sheer volume of bull I saw in that proposed contract was enough to make me sick to my stomach, much of which I believe was unbeknownst to Michael beforehand.  Now that Michael is no longer here to speak for himself 2 of these people are now governing his estate, his fortune, and his children's futures under questionable circumstances.  And BTW just where in the world is Tohme Tohme? Who knows...  Many believe Thome was a good guy.  I guess I'm blinded by that $100,000 Tohme was advanced against Michael's potential future earnings for his personal company in this deal.  The AEG contract in my eyes was trash!  It made Michael a puppet to them for the rest of his life.  He was backed against a wall.  Both the attorney and personal assistant hired to look after the best interest of Michael Jackson in fanagling deals and keeping him from falling into legal loopholes and financial booby traps certainly did Michael Jackson a fatal disservice.  So in just one week prior to Michael's final demise comes the knight on the white horse to save the day.  Or was he the headless horseman on the black horse whom Michael had vowed to never bring back into his life neither personally or as a business associate?  You tell me.  Whose day did he really save?   After pondering over and trying to understand all the mumble jumble in the conflicting financial reports that have been submitted in the name of executing the Estate of Michael jackson for the benfit of his mother and his three minor children, I tend to wonder.  But hey, I'm no acountant.  Perhaps you can figure it out better than I can.  I guess I just never forget what Michael told us.  It sticks in the memory banks of my mind forever.  I will give credit where credit's due though.  Branca has made some strides.  Yes John Branca and John McClain (does the latter really really exist, lol) have done a fantastic job of pitting Michael's beloved fans against each other in an out and out war.  Yes, it appears they have made a fair amount of lucrative deals to keep those same fans appeased furthering the battle of wits.  Some praise and put them on a pedastale.  Others denounce them, hanging them on the wall of shame. I guess I stand somewhere in the middle of that turf war, because sometimes we have to accept the good with the bad.  They are who they are & for now, that's all we've got.  Yes, they have enough clout and finesse to put blinders on the eyes of the justice system, from the jury poolers to the judges and they have definitley shown their ability to "impress and bedazzle" the public .  And finally, sadly yes, they have even succeeded in putting a strong rift in Michael's family.  The latter od which I find depressing and a little bit dispicable.  But what they haven't been able to do and never will is appease and quiet the doubting Thomases of which I am and certainly will always be.  I don't know what will happen in the future but I hope that what ever happens, Michael's children will be equipped with what ever they need down the road to handle what ever needs handling.  From what I've witnessed so far, I don't think there's much doubt that they will. So for now, the drama continues and the band plays on until the fat lady really does sing.  When ever that happens, I hope I'm alive to see it.  I believe there will be cloaked demons whose faces will finally come from behind the masks and who will fall like dominoes.  It might not be in my lifetime, but even in death, I know that I will be celebrating the victory... with Michael Jackson... and we will dance .

Dear Michael, as long as I live you have all of me

There will be those occasions when the pain of it all will wash over me and I’ll still cry.  Never before and never again will anyone’s passing ever affect me more than the untimely passing of Michael Jackson.  In my eyes, he was immortal, forever.  He should never have gone before me.  It simply was not his time.  God sees all and he knows all, especially the heart.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.

He has seen the error of man’s ways and has given us another chance for love.  Through all the gifts that Michael left for us, though his physical presence on the plant has been taken, his essence will live on forever.  He is immortal.

And Michael, you still have all of me…

All of me.

And I and the world will always love you more, more, most

Michael’s prayer

The most important thing in Michael Jackson’s life was his compassion for children.  The 3rd year anniversary of his death has come and gone.  The flowers have been laid beautifully and the fans who made the pilgrimages to honor him are back to their day to day living.  As unfair as it seems many time, life goes on.  So as I get back to what I must do to survive and provide for my family I must leave something here that truly depicts what Michael Jackson was about, where his heart and soul was.  I searched for videos and so many were there to choose from, and decided that this one which is fan made fit perfectly.

No matter what some might feel about Michael Jackson, it cannot be disputed that he was the world’s greatest advocate for children.  He loved them with all the compassion he had inside him.  So for him and his legacy to the children of the world, this is my prayer.  Rest in peace Michael.  God will never leave you, never hurt you, and will always know your heart better than anyone did.  You graced us with your beautiful presence for 50 years.  Now we have eternity to remember all that you left behind.  I will never forget you. You are forever, always in my heart.  If I could be granted one wish, have only one prayer answered, that prayer would be for you to be free to be.  Answered...

Cassie
7/30/3012

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God...

3years - The Finale

Year 3

I have made it on this planet without Michael’s physical presence for three long years. Never could’ve made it without my friends on all the forums and websites dedicated to Michael because I have very few people in my life who adore him the way that I do.  Friends without faces, only loving hearts, have sustained me.  Thank you for being here for people like me.  

As I look back over these years, I am reminded of a line from the movie Sparkle, as she asked the poignant question of Stix: “Can you imagine how it feels to not know if you can live through another second?  Well I got through the seconds, the minutes, the hours…” and now it has turned into 3 years.  If I have ever had reason to question does God ever give us more than we can bear; that question is no longer relevant. I know unequivocally, beyond a shadow of any reasonable doubt that He does not. I have lived 3 years without a man who broke all barriers in winning over more hearts than any other human being who ever lived.  My heart is in there. His death took my breath away.  I could not eat.  I could not sleep.  And I truly believed that my heart was beyond repair.  Time held no meaning because my every waking hour was spent with visions of him in high definition in the recesses and in the forefront of my tortured mind.  Whether my eyes were open or shut, he was always there.  

For me as with so many of us who never thought we’d being living in a world without the energy of Michael Jackson’s heartbeat, this journey has been long and hard and has tested my faith in the goodness of mankind. But as time passed, I have seen the power of love for human kind blossoming into something beautiful.  Michael entrusted us with a legacy of so much love that it is almost impossible for it not to have taken root and begin to grow.  He proved to me that his was not a selfish journey through this fascinating life taking only the high roads; but that his journey intentionally veered off oftentimes to the low lying valleys of the drown trodden and those not so fortunate in life.  And in so doing he gave new hope and meaning to all of God’s people.  In my eyes, he was a modern day Saint.  In my heart, he will always be. 

For this occasion I wanted to make a tribute video for Michael that was befitting him.  But in retrospect I have decided to leave you with a story of what happened to me, just this day.  To me, it was like a message from Michael telling me to let him go.  God works in mysterious ways.

On my way home today, sitting and waiting for my bus in 90+ degree temperatures, a young man probably in his early 20s who was carrying in his hand a bunch of roses, came up to me.  I don't know if it was because he sensed my sadness or if maybe he had noticed the many buttons I was wearing on my clothing depicting Michael Jackson's image.  But he made his way straight to me and gave me a rose.  He smiled and I thanked him tearfully and then he walked on away.  His eyes were so kind I felt as though he could read my toughest.

As I held this beautiful rose in my hand under the scorching sun, it began to wither.  I held it and tried to shied it from the heat that was taking away it's vibrance, but the petals just kept withering and the stem drooped.  So I closed my hand around the bud to try to keep it strong enough until I finally was able to get home and put it into water.  

When I arrived at my door and opened my hand, the rose had completely closed.  And for some reason that broke my heart.  I found a bud vase and filed it with life giving water & put the rose into it.  But it never revived.  It never came back,  And it made me reevaluate how helpless we are in the face of this thing, this tin line between life and death, to change it. 

So now, I sit here looking at this flower and I'm sobbing my heart out and feeling somehow that I failed to care enough.  In all my effort, it still withered away.  And it serves to remind me of just how fleeting life is and that sometimes, no matter what we do, it will simply slip away.  And in retrospect, I am taken back to Michael and his last rehearsal.  I see him vibrant, his petals open wide, full of life.  He's back.  He's back.  And then, just a few hours later, the headless scream that he is gone.  His petals fell away.  The brightest most beautiful rose the weld has ever known, the rose that was Michael Jackson, under the watchful eye of the entire world, closed and died.  He died. And there was nothing we could do to revive him and bring him back.  He was gone.  Much too soon.

One of my favorite movies of al times is IAm Sam.  I am inclined to think that it must've been one of michael's too.  I can almost envision him watching and cheering on and crying with the character Sam as he struggled with l.o.v.e. to not have his daughter whom he loved unconditionally and with all of his heart, from him.  So as I celebrate Michael on this 3rd anniversary, and close this chapter and make my final post on this blog, I dedicate this song  from that movie, and this short poem to him from my heart.  I will never forget you, Michael Jackson.  You will always be the catalyst behind every kind deed I do.  In my lifetime there has never been and I have never known a love like your love.  May peace be with you always.  

People come into our lives for a reason

Sometimes good and sometimes bad

They might stay for a lifetime or only a season

And when they go you reflect on what you had

In my lifetime no one did it better

never since and no one ever before

& if I never again find love in my life

I'm content knowing that you loved me more

Michael Jackson always rocking my world and leaving me forever speechless

CassieForMaxwell

Song lyrics to Ben Folds - Golden Slumbers:

(Lennon/McCartney)

Once there was a way to get back homeward 

Once there was a way to get back home 

Sleep pretty darling do not cry 

And I will sing a lullaby 

Golden slumbers fill your eyes 

Smiles awake you when you rise 

Sleep pretty darling do not cry 

And I will sing a lullaby 

Once there was a way to get back homeward 

Once there was a way to get back home 

Sleep pretty darling do not cry 

And I will sing a lullaby 

3 years tomorrow & I still continue to love you more each day

and that IS the power of love…

I have you always in my heart and even after the body gives up on us I believe that the heart does go on…  It must because yours is the forever heartbeat of the world.

Now starts the craft...

The time is winding down and in four short days it will be June 25th.  How do I prepare for it?  Can I prepare for it?  No. I cannot.  If I could, I would wish it away.  But I can’t.  No one can.  It will come no matter what because it is time and time waits for no one.  Three years have cone and gone and sometimes I still feel like I’m back, stuck eternally at 625/2009.  How do we move on from there?  We just do.  After 6/25/2012, I will no longer post to this blog but will leave it as my constant reminder to myself of this one truth:  love has no boundaries, no reason, no rhyme.  It is what it is and sometimes that’s all it needs to be.  I make no apologies for having loved a man who I never had the chance to meet, the honor to touch, the opportunity to talk to.  Yet I know in my heart that he loved, even me because I am a human being, and he loved the totality of humanity.  And I in kind, loved him as a mother would love a child when he is fragile and kind and mistreated by the world. Yes! I loved Michael Jackson beyond any measures.  And as long as I live, I always will.  Tis woman’s work is hard on the man..

Iconic MJ Pepsi vintage Film

We now come to Pepsi25, but lets take a step back and remember the time. Vintage footage of the entire collaboratives with Michael and PepsiCo during the original Bad tour era.  He is the light of the world and the truth of a whole generation.  Michael, I will always love you more. Work that!