777 DAYS WITHOUT HIM

I don’t know if it was wishful thinking or a secret prayer that today something earth shattering would happen in this Michael Jackson story.  777 is the number that is synonymous with Michael; his favorite number.  It’s turned out to be just another ordinary day to most peole.  However, for me, it is a turning point.  One that I have dreaded since June 25, 2009.  It’s a day when I did not cry when I litened to Gone Too Soon.  I didn’t cry and that makes me sad.  That song has always brought a tear to my eye, that would slowly descend down my face.  And today, my tears did not come.  It scares me.  I don’t want to lose Michael in my heart.  But I fear, and this is my greatest fear, that Michael will fade away from me.

I don’t know if this is how other people feel, but for me, it is sad.  I have started sleeping at night again.  I have stopped listening to his music 24/7.  I have begin to pick back up the pieces of my life… and they are beginning to fit in the right places.  There was a time when none of them fit.  My mind and my heart was so broken, in such disarray, that I thought I would never get back to normal again.  But I feel it coming.  And to me, it is not eing met with any happiness or joy.

I feel like I’m cheating him, turning my back on him, when I don’t break into a million pieces at just the mention of his name.  But I don’t do it anymore.  At times I feel deja vue, but most times I am able to get through it and go on to being the old me.  I am afraid.  I don’t want to lose Michael Jackson.  I don’t want to be free.  Why is he freeing me?  I don’t understand.

777 days and nights of sadness is not enough.  I want 777 more, and 777 again.  But it seems God is healing what he sees as my wounded spirit and giving me a new beginning.  Am I being ungrateful because I don’t want it?  I don’t know what I will do with my life, my time.  I have filled every corner of my life with Michael since 6/25/2009.  He has been my focus and my every thought has been of or about him.  What will I do?

There s a quote that has always been a favorite of mine, today it says what I feel about Michael Jackson’s abrupt departure from this earth:

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep, 

But I have promises to keep, 

And miles to go before I sleep, 

And miles to go before I sleep.”

Dear Michael, I will always love you more.  When all is said and done, I will ALWAYS LOVE you MORE.

July-29-2011

Revelations 
3:8

'When God leads you to the edge of the 
cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 
things will happen, either He'll catch you when 
you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly! '



In one month, we will be reflecting again.  It would have been Michael Jackson’s 53rd birthday, a very young 53.  We will reflect on his life and in wonderment, imagine what he would be doing on that day.  We will be sad and happy and singing and rejoicing and praying and dreaming about all of what could have been, should have been, would have been.  That’s just human nature when you love someone and you lose them.  A never celebrated birthday always brings up the memories and the what ifs.  Just as the date of death does.  They always give us cause to stop and reflect.


I don’t know what I will be doing on that day.  There is no way to prepare for it.  But I plan to trust that God will guide me.  I hope I will find a way to get through the day without sadness because Michael’s birth ushered in a new era, an era of love for the planet, the universe and each other.  Michael taught us by example that it is not enough to have unless we give back, and give back in abundance.  Michael showed us that we were all the same and love sees no differences.  Michael showed us how to walk in humility and do it gracefully.  Michael made us believe in dreams and in the magic of Peter Pan.  Michael made us each feel special by simply saying I love you more.  Because we knew, by feeling it in our hearts and throughout our bodies and souls, that he really did.  He loved you. He loved me.  In that one perfect body lived enough love to share with every living thing in the whole world.  Ad we were all a part of it.  We witnessed it.  Many words will be written about it in history.  But to live it… God is good.


Yes, God led Michael to the edge of the cliff.  Michael trusted Him and in faith, he let go.  He knew he wouldn’t  fall.  He never did in his life.  I believe that God has been teaching Michael how to fly all the days of his life.   He took that final leap of faith and now… he soars. 


So now when I think of Michael’s birthday and from this day forward, I will think of it as the day that God sent us an angel.  All his 50 years were gifts to us.  But his forever was never ours to keep.  I am thankful, I am humbled to have been blessed to have lived in Michael’s era and experienced his kind of love.  It is everlasting.  God bless the child.  And Michael, I will always love you more.  

Truth runs marathons… so I’ve got to say it

Since Michael’s death, I have been going over something in my mind that has been puzzling me.  Why is it that every effort we set out to accomplish for Michael only half succeeds?  I look at the Tribute Portrait that has only 300,000 signatures or dots assigned.  They should long ago have had 1,000,000.  No question.  I look the the Official Michael Jackson Fan page and there is always bickering.  I visit the death hoax pages and they are bickering.  I see twitter, facebook, Justice pages and everyone is at odds.  Then I suddenly realize what the problem is, Michael Jackson’s fans are unequivocally divided.  First the believers that feel Michael still lives are pitted against the non-believers who says he certainly is dead and that the non-believers are delusional and not real fans.  Then there are the conspiracy therorists who feel that more than one person was involved in Michael’s death.  They believe he died but by circumstances different from what we have been led to believe.  So to oppose them are the ones who are solely Conrad Murray did it fans.  They see the Conspiracy theroist as ruining the chance for anyone to be convicted of Michael’s death.  When in all sincerity, I see that as a real possibility anyway the way things are going.

What is NOT happening is that the FANS of Michael Jackson are working together for one goal.  Everyone is so set on their own agendas that they are not willing to put that aside and work for what we are really all here for, Michael Jackson.   The truth is we will never get 100% of anything until we are.  It is time to forget about our different beliefs and concentrate on the bigger picture.  Let people have their own theories.  That’s their right.  But do not allow that to get in the way when we are working on the vision.  The moderators of all of these different boards can make the difference if they would make it a rule that NO ONE is ridiculed or shunned or bullied because they see a different outcome, a different truth.  No one should be allowed to be verbally abused and that should be the general rule.  If you don’t like a particular thread, oblige onesself to skip it.  It’s all about Michael Jackson and regardlessof our theories or beliefs or “gut feelings”, everyone loves him.  If we intend to accomplish any goal in unision, then we MUST stop thinking that our truth is the only one.  We have got to STOP ostracizing others and come together for the good of the legacy.  Until we do, every effort that’s put out there is going to fail or half succeed.  And that’s not good enough.  Michael Jackson deserves our very best efforts.  He deserves our undivided attention.  He deserves for us to work together, all for love, like he did for us even with all that was stacked agaist him.  He did it and never looked back and never turned the other way.  He DESERVES for us to stand as one for him.  He never divided his love for us.  We must give back as much or more, if even that is possible.  We must.  Can we do it?  I believe we can and we will.

It’s not about you or me.  It’s about Michael Jackson and he deserves the best that we can offer.  So far, I don’t see he’s ever gotten that.  But if anyone in this world ever deserved 100% it is Michael.  If we, the fans whom he loved and gave his entire life to, continue the division and never come together,  he never will get it.  And that will be a greater crime.

Michael I love you more.

25 months of pain and joy

I cannot believe that it has been 2 years and 1 month tomorrow without Michael Jackson.  It is hard for me to believe that I made it.  I never thought I could.  My heart and my spirit were so broken when Michael died that it took a real effort to remember to breathe.  At times I found myself breathless and gasping for air.  As if my lungs were closed and could not accept the air they needed to function.  Sleep escaped me.  I went days and days without being able to close my eyes and rest.  I had no appetite for food, only for information and pictures and words and song, anything… everything that put Michael back where he belonged, in this world with me.  It worked, for a time, and then the more that I learned about his death and all the intricate details surrounding it, even those things became mundane and it became my passion to try to piece the puzzle together that was just beginning to form.  And it was huge.  Larger than life and more sinister than I would have ever imagined.  It was the most horrible news I had ever gotten, that Michael Jackson had died.  But it became multiplied exponitiously when I learned that he didn’t just die, but was taken from us.  That made my grief, my pain, my emotional despair all the more complex.  I was angry. I was hurt.  I was a total, complete mess of a human being.  As I said, I never thought I would be here today, especially totally calm and enjoying the many, many gifts left behind by this man I’ve come to call simply Angel.  But I am.  I am totally at peace in knowing that after 25 months, the world is more Michaelish.  Things are happening that never would have happened, major things, had it not been for Michael’s death.  And because I believe in God and His promise, one being that a child will lead them, I believe that Michael was taken back, albeit abruptly, because he had done what God had planned for him to do.  He is embedded in our hearts forever.  And if he is there, so is his vision.  We know what Michael’s vision was as well or even better than we know our own.  And we see it coming into fruition and even exploding across the planet where it is needed most.  So joyously I say, there is a lot of Michael in the world.  Though he be not here in the physical form, he is forever here in the hearts of those who loved him or who have gotten to love him since his passing.

Be ever wonderful my Angel of calm and peace.  In 25 short months, Michael Jackson has impacted the world more than any other human being dead or living with his message of love for all of God’s creations.  That could only have been attained by one from a higher source, and I believe in my heart, that Michael Jackson is that child of whom’s coming we had been foretold.

Life is fleeting, but love lives forever.  Michael is love.  He will never, ever die.

The very thought of him or the mention of his name, gives me unyielding joy and always, but always renders me forever speechless.  I will always love him more.

Cassie for Maxwell
7/24/2011

Response to MuzikFactoryTwo Blog

I have so very often thought about the things of which you speak.  It is going to be very difficult being a Michael Jackson offspring in this society where everyone will be out there to exploit them, and will lay in wake for any occasion to degredate their integrity, simply because of their parentage.  I have often times spoken publicly about their safety first and all else that stands to follow in abundance due to them simply being who they are. Of course I got slammed as expected.  But the truth is the truth and as Michael said it runs marathons around anything else.   I agree with you 100% that these children should be better protected.  They are too visible and are not being raised according to Michael’s standards of care.  If not Debbie Rowe, somebody needs to step in and raise these children in a responsible manner. Rhinocerris skin comes from years and years of being outcast with all odds against, and being forced  to cope with those circumstances alone because no one stood by you through it all.  Those children might think that they are prepared for any and everything, but in truth, they don’t know what they are potentially up against and it will get worse long before it gets better.  They, unfortunately, are not like other children no matter how hard they try to be.  They are heirs to a fortune and there will ALWAYS be danger attached to that.  There will always be a negative mark attached to them as long as there is tabloid media and those  people who will always hate Michael Jackson.  The children MUST be protected and shielded from the evil that prevails because it’s not going anywhere.

I wish the very best for Paris, Prince and Blanket.  I really wish they could just grow up normally and be like other children.  But they cannot.  They are special, like it or not, and it is IMPERATIVE that they be protected as the royalty that they are.  Their lives depend on it.

I often have thought of them in the same vein as the Kennedy children.  Camelot is a beautiful, priviledged existence; but it is also an extremly hard place to find onesself inherrent in.  The Kennedy’s had everything one could dream of, but the children, and especially the name sakes, lost themselves in the process to.  I so do not want to see Michael’s children grow up to be lost in the world.  I do not want to see their names in the tabloids for any reason but certainly not for an negativity.  They are at an impressionable age where they are coming into their own personalities and it is at this time that they need more guidance and direction, not less. They cannot be turned loose to run worry and carefree. There are real, dangers in being who they are.  The things they are being allowed to do in my opinion is MADNESS.  Sound decisions MUST be made by someone with ONLY their best interests at heart. Tough love is a definite must.

My friend, I wholeheartedly agree that at this point, something has to change.  I don’t like what I see and the complications that are possible if they continue in the direction they are taking.  Wrong road that could lead them head on into hardship, harm and total disaster.

Please protect Michael’s children.  If we did not get to help Michael before we lost him, we can at least do the next best thing in advocating for love and protection of the one thing that he would have unquestionably given his life for, his children.

The day that changed my life forever...

is here again.  The reason for me deciding to delve into the cyber world because I had to find an outlet to release all the pain from learning of the senseless utimely death; all the frustration from not being told the truth and hearing all the media lies and heartless rumors; and all the love that has been growing inside me for over 45 years and is never ending, for this man, Michael Jackson.  Now comes the day that I wish I could magically wave a wand and erase from history forever.  But I can’t, and thus, I am here again to say Michael, I love you and I always will.

Life will never be the same.  Michael Jackson left us unnaturally, ans that truth keeps me in a state of forever sadness.  He had so much more to give.

Last night I went to bed knowing that today would be a day of the saddest of my memories; memories that will be with me for the rest of my days, for as long as I breathe on this earth.  I hope that Michael’s children, his mother, his father, and all of his brothers, sisters, family has found their own ways to have some semblance of peace within themselves allowing them to freely and with reverence honor the wonderful man that their father, son, brother, relation was to everyone and every living thing on this planet.  I hope they can find some way of pushing from their minds the many cruelties done to their beloved Michael on this day, and simply pause to give him and his memory all of their energy and love.  Nothing else matters today. Nothing.  God bless Michael’s family.  Take care of them.

My day will be filled with tears, tears that have become my constant companion and friend.  It will be filled with Michael’s voice and his image.  It will be filled with memories; the good ones and the bad.  But it will be more than anything else, filled with love for the one human being that I believe with all my being, was the Angel that God sent to us with messages of love and forgiveness for our generation, who became the sacrificial lamb to save the world.  Michael Jackson was a lamb of God.  And he took him back just like he did thousands of years ago.  When will the world ever be ready to receive what God freely gives us?  I don’t know the answer.  I only know that until we do, there will be more angels come down to save us and only when it is too late will we recognize them, just like Jesus and just like Michael Jackson.

I love you and I miss the presence of Michael Jackson in my life.  Never in my lifetime and not for many lifetimes to come will there ever be another Michael.  He was not one in a million.  He was a million in one.

52 years ago, an angel came to bring us the promise of greater things to come.  Two years ago, that angel was taken back because the world did not recognize who he was.  When Michael died, the angels cried, and their tears now fall from our weeping eyes.

Michael Jackson, I will always love you most.

My Poem for Paris Jackson created June 20, 2010 - For Father’s Day

Especially for Paris on Father's Day

Joined: Aug 2009
United States


Sunday, June 20, 2010 - 11:36


CassieForMaxwell:




A child is missing a father today
a father is missing a son
a wife is missing the love of her life
a mother's tears, once again has begun


The world is missing an angel
who was here, but for only a while
a magical being of song and dance
compassion, and love, and style
the most giving heart
the most beautiful smile


From all of us who loved him
on this year's Father's day
We pause just to remember you
each in our chosen way


I choose to go to church today
to send a special prayer
that mothers, fathers, children
on the planet everywhere


will never take for granted
a caring father's love
and celebrate him everyday
and pray to the heavens above


Believe….


that though he might be gone away
his love will still always sustain
for in your heart he'll be with you
to comfort and ease your pain


So here's to Michael's baby girl
of which she will always be
Paris, this is my special song
that I pass to you from me


Always know throughout your life
where ever you are in this world
that daddy saved all his butterfly kisses
for his precious, baby girl

For those of us who love Anime' Butter Fly Kisses. 
I dedicate this video to Paris Jackson, 
and all the daddy's baby girls in the world.


Happy Fathers day, daddy


http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x303b0_amv-butterfly-kisses_music