9-25-2011

25 months on this 25th day.  That’s how long the world has suffered been without its light, Michael Jackson.  I have been online all day today which is something I can hardly do anymore.  It pains me too much.  But today with Reverend Catherin whose guest were Lynton Guest nd Jon Vogel, I started off chatting with them and the soon after participated in Major Love Prayer and every Michael Jackson conversation in between.  Today has been all Michael.

We talked about Invinvible and the history behind it and how we should get it to number 1 come October.  I pledge to do my part to see that come into fruition.  We talked about Sony and how not to support them hurts Michael’s legacy.  It’s not about Sony.  It’s about keeping Michael’s music alive and always heard. We taked about love, l.o.v.e. and Michael’s messages.  And we talked about Michael’s light.  He is thelight of the world.

The trial is starting this week, 9/27/2011 exactly 15 years to the day that I lost my son.  Not a coincidence.  I always feel down on 9/27 and this year would have been a very down time for me were it not for Michael Jackson.  Here comes Michael to save me again.  Angels do that, you know.  Though I will spend my every waking hour with thoughts of my son and memories of days gone by, I cannot dwell in self pity because life goes on and there is still much work to do.  My mind will be occupied with both landmarks and that will keep me sane.

For my son I say, you know how loved and missed you are.  You know how precious are the memories.  But you also know that I will not allow my sorrow to stop me from working for the good of man.  My heart is open wide to those things that require constant care.  15 years without you has only made my dedication stronger.  I do these things because of and not in spite of you.  You were my world.  We were of one accord and we both had a giving spirit.  I continue those things in honor and in memory of you always.

As we embark on September 27, 2011, I do so with an open heart and an open mind.  I know that there will be tryng times.  But as it was so poignantly stated in today’s Major Love Prayer, God has his arms around Michael Jackson and his light is so bright that no one can ignore it.  It will light up the world from LA to Atlanta, to Japan and Africa, and everywhere in between.  Michael’s light will shine.  So I have decided that no matter what happens, no matter the outcome in the courtroom on Clara Ward Blvd, Michael Jackson is already vindicated through the blood of Christ.  He is lifted above man’s laws and outcomes.  The verdict is already in.   With that in mind I say let the games begin and let the children play God in a building made of stone.  Michael is playing in a land far away and made of pure gold.  As he sits back and watches the proceedings I know he will not be troubled.  His children, his mother, his family, his fans will all be victorious.  It’s already written.  It’s already done.

Michael Jackson I love you so much that it feels like another piece of my heart was torn away.  15 years ago and again 25 months ago.  But I can attest to the fact that the heart is a mighty fortress and it will sustain me as long as it be God’s will.  Only His will.

So dear Michael, when all of man’s judging is said and done and this is over, you will still be the victor.  They have no communion over you.  Yours is the Lords.  Thou will shall be done on earth as it is in heaven.  It’s destiny and therfore, Invincible!

Lord have mercy on us al.  Keep us strong and with our eyes on the prize.  The last and greatest judgement is yours.

You still rock my world and leave me speechless.  Always have.  Always will.

Michael’s baby girl

Happy birthday, Michael Jackson.  For the rest of my life this day will hold a special meaning.  It’s the day when the heavens gathered in its arms a bundle of joy and laid him into the arms of the world.  We had him.  He had us.  For a little while.  But long enough to know that God smiled on him and he gave that smile and all the love our hearts could hold to each and every one of us every day of his life.

I will love you always.

For Paris Jackson - A poem I wrote for you on Father’s Day 2009 

A child is missing a father today
a father is missing a son
a wife is missing the love of her life
a mother's tears, once again has begun


The world is missing an angel
who was here, but for only a while
a magical being of song and dance
compassion, and love, and style
the most giving heart
the most beautiful smile


From all of us who loved him
on this year's Father's day
We pause just to remember you
each in our chosen way


I choose to go to church today
to send a special prayer
that mothers, fathers, children
on the planet everywhere


will never take for granted
a caring father's love
and celebrate him everyday
and pray to the heavens above


Believe….


that though he might be gone away
his love will still always sustain
for in your heart he'll be with you
to comfort and ease your pain


So here's to Michael's baby girl
of which she will always be
Paris, this is my special song
that I pass to you from me


Always know throughout your life
where ever you are in this world
that daddy saved all his butterfly kisses
for his precious, baby girl

Happy Father’s Day

Happy Birthday Michael Jackson

I’m sending balloons filled with love to you, floating free through the skies above.  It always makes me sad when I think of how you would be so proud today to see all the changes made in your honor.  You deserved to be present in the flesh to receive them.  But as fate has dealt it’s hand in this game of life, you cannot be.  And speaking frankly for me, that sucks.

But today is your day.  This day 53 years ago an angel was sent down to this earth to blow us away.  He came with dance and song and rhyme and reason and love so pure that it radiated from every pore in his body.  That angel was Michael Jackson.  As I go through this day, I will reflect on all the joy and all the gifts you gave to the world unselfishly.  I honor your birth.  I honor you.

Happy birthday, Michael Jackson.  For the rest of my life this day will hold a special meaning.  It’s the day when the heavens gathered in its arms a bundle of joy and laid him into the arms of the world.  We had him.  He had us.  For a little while.  But long enough to know that God smiled on him and he gave that smile right back to us every day of his life.

I love you, Michael.  I always will.

777 DAYS WITHOUT HIM

I don’t know if it was wishful thinking or a secret prayer that today something earth shattering would happen in this Michael Jackson story.  777 is the number that is synonymous with Michael; his favorite number.  It’s turned out to be just another ordinary day to most peole.  However, for me, it is a turning point.  One that I have dreaded since June 25, 2009.  It’s a day when I did not cry when I litened to Gone Too Soon.  I didn’t cry and that makes me sad.  That song has always brought a tear to my eye, that would slowly descend down my face.  And today, my tears did not come.  It scares me.  I don’t want to lose Michael in my heart.  But I fear, and this is my greatest fear, that Michael will fade away from me.

I don’t know if this is how other people feel, but for me, it is sad.  I have started sleeping at night again.  I have stopped listening to his music 24/7.  I have begin to pick back up the pieces of my life… and they are beginning to fit in the right places.  There was a time when none of them fit.  My mind and my heart was so broken, in such disarray, that I thought I would never get back to normal again.  But I feel it coming.  And to me, it is not eing met with any happiness or joy.

I feel like I’m cheating him, turning my back on him, when I don’t break into a million pieces at just the mention of his name.  But I don’t do it anymore.  At times I feel deja vue, but most times I am able to get through it and go on to being the old me.  I am afraid.  I don’t want to lose Michael Jackson.  I don’t want to be free.  Why is he freeing me?  I don’t understand.

777 days and nights of sadness is not enough.  I want 777 more, and 777 again.  But it seems God is healing what he sees as my wounded spirit and giving me a new beginning.  Am I being ungrateful because I don’t want it?  I don’t know what I will do with my life, my time.  I have filled every corner of my life with Michael since 6/25/2009.  He has been my focus and my every thought has been of or about him.  What will I do?

There s a quote that has always been a favorite of mine, today it says what I feel about Michael Jackson’s abrupt departure from this earth:

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep, 

But I have promises to keep, 

And miles to go before I sleep, 

And miles to go before I sleep.”

Dear Michael, I will always love you more.  When all is said and done, I will ALWAYS LOVE you MORE.

July-29-2011

Revelations 
3:8

'When God leads you to the edge of the 
cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 
things will happen, either He'll catch you when 
you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly! '



In one month, we will be reflecting again.  It would have been Michael Jackson’s 53rd birthday, a very young 53.  We will reflect on his life and in wonderment, imagine what he would be doing on that day.  We will be sad and happy and singing and rejoicing and praying and dreaming about all of what could have been, should have been, would have been.  That’s just human nature when you love someone and you lose them.  A never celebrated birthday always brings up the memories and the what ifs.  Just as the date of death does.  They always give us cause to stop and reflect.


I don’t know what I will be doing on that day.  There is no way to prepare for it.  But I plan to trust that God will guide me.  I hope I will find a way to get through the day without sadness because Michael’s birth ushered in a new era, an era of love for the planet, the universe and each other.  Michael taught us by example that it is not enough to have unless we give back, and give back in abundance.  Michael showed us that we were all the same and love sees no differences.  Michael showed us how to walk in humility and do it gracefully.  Michael made us believe in dreams and in the magic of Peter Pan.  Michael made us each feel special by simply saying I love you more.  Because we knew, by feeling it in our hearts and throughout our bodies and souls, that he really did.  He loved you. He loved me.  In that one perfect body lived enough love to share with every living thing in the whole world.  Ad we were all a part of it.  We witnessed it.  Many words will be written about it in history.  But to live it… God is good.


Yes, God led Michael to the edge of the cliff.  Michael trusted Him and in faith, he let go.  He knew he wouldn’t  fall.  He never did in his life.  I believe that God has been teaching Michael how to fly all the days of his life.   He took that final leap of faith and now… he soars. 


So now when I think of Michael’s birthday and from this day forward, I will think of it as the day that God sent us an angel.  All his 50 years were gifts to us.  But his forever was never ours to keep.  I am thankful, I am humbled to have been blessed to have lived in Michael’s era and experienced his kind of love.  It is everlasting.  God bless the child.  And Michael, I will always love you more.  

Truth runs marathons… so I’ve got to say it

Since Michael’s death, I have been going over something in my mind that has been puzzling me.  Why is it that every effort we set out to accomplish for Michael only half succeeds?  I look at the Tribute Portrait that has only 300,000 signatures or dots assigned.  They should long ago have had 1,000,000.  No question.  I look the the Official Michael Jackson Fan page and there is always bickering.  I visit the death hoax pages and they are bickering.  I see twitter, facebook, Justice pages and everyone is at odds.  Then I suddenly realize what the problem is, Michael Jackson’s fans are unequivocally divided.  First the believers that feel Michael still lives are pitted against the non-believers who says he certainly is dead and that the non-believers are delusional and not real fans.  Then there are the conspiracy therorists who feel that more than one person was involved in Michael’s death.  They believe he died but by circumstances different from what we have been led to believe.  So to oppose them are the ones who are solely Conrad Murray did it fans.  They see the Conspiracy theroist as ruining the chance for anyone to be convicted of Michael’s death.  When in all sincerity, I see that as a real possibility anyway the way things are going.

What is NOT happening is that the FANS of Michael Jackson are working together for one goal.  Everyone is so set on their own agendas that they are not willing to put that aside and work for what we are really all here for, Michael Jackson.   The truth is we will never get 100% of anything until we are.  It is time to forget about our different beliefs and concentrate on the bigger picture.  Let people have their own theories.  That’s their right.  But do not allow that to get in the way when we are working on the vision.  The moderators of all of these different boards can make the difference if they would make it a rule that NO ONE is ridiculed or shunned or bullied because they see a different outcome, a different truth.  No one should be allowed to be verbally abused and that should be the general rule.  If you don’t like a particular thread, oblige onesself to skip it.  It’s all about Michael Jackson and regardlessof our theories or beliefs or “gut feelings”, everyone loves him.  If we intend to accomplish any goal in unision, then we MUST stop thinking that our truth is the only one.  We have got to STOP ostracizing others and come together for the good of the legacy.  Until we do, every effort that’s put out there is going to fail or half succeed.  And that’s not good enough.  Michael Jackson deserves our very best efforts.  He deserves our undivided attention.  He deserves for us to work together, all for love, like he did for us even with all that was stacked agaist him.  He did it and never looked back and never turned the other way.  He DESERVES for us to stand as one for him.  He never divided his love for us.  We must give back as much or more, if even that is possible.  We must.  Can we do it?  I believe we can and we will.

It’s not about you or me.  It’s about Michael Jackson and he deserves the best that we can offer.  So far, I don’t see he’s ever gotten that.  But if anyone in this world ever deserved 100% it is Michael.  If we, the fans whom he loved and gave his entire life to, continue the division and never come together,  he never will get it.  And that will be a greater crime.

Michael I love you more.

25 months of pain and joy

I cannot believe that it has been 2 years and 1 month tomorrow without Michael Jackson.  It is hard for me to believe that I made it.  I never thought I could.  My heart and my spirit were so broken when Michael died that it took a real effort to remember to breathe.  At times I found myself breathless and gasping for air.  As if my lungs were closed and could not accept the air they needed to function.  Sleep escaped me.  I went days and days without being able to close my eyes and rest.  I had no appetite for food, only for information and pictures and words and song, anything… everything that put Michael back where he belonged, in this world with me.  It worked, for a time, and then the more that I learned about his death and all the intricate details surrounding it, even those things became mundane and it became my passion to try to piece the puzzle together that was just beginning to form.  And it was huge.  Larger than life and more sinister than I would have ever imagined.  It was the most horrible news I had ever gotten, that Michael Jackson had died.  But it became multiplied exponitiously when I learned that he didn’t just die, but was taken from us.  That made my grief, my pain, my emotional despair all the more complex.  I was angry. I was hurt.  I was a total, complete mess of a human being.  As I said, I never thought I would be here today, especially totally calm and enjoying the many, many gifts left behind by this man I’ve come to call simply Angel.  But I am.  I am totally at peace in knowing that after 25 months, the world is more Michaelish.  Things are happening that never would have happened, major things, had it not been for Michael’s death.  And because I believe in God and His promise, one being that a child will lead them, I believe that Michael was taken back, albeit abruptly, because he had done what God had planned for him to do.  He is embedded in our hearts forever.  And if he is there, so is his vision.  We know what Michael’s vision was as well or even better than we know our own.  And we see it coming into fruition and even exploding across the planet where it is needed most.  So joyously I say, there is a lot of Michael in the world.  Though he be not here in the physical form, he is forever here in the hearts of those who loved him or who have gotten to love him since his passing.

Be ever wonderful my Angel of calm and peace.  In 25 short months, Michael Jackson has impacted the world more than any other human being dead or living with his message of love for all of God’s creations.  That could only have been attained by one from a higher source, and I believe in my heart, that Michael Jackson is that child of whom’s coming we had been foretold.

Life is fleeting, but love lives forever.  Michael is love.  He will never, ever die.

The very thought of him or the mention of his name, gives me unyielding joy and always, but always renders me forever speechless.  I will always love him more.

Cassie for Maxwell
7/24/2011