And I will walk by faith

Today is January 7, 2013, a brand new year.  Tomorrow begins the  2nd week of the rest of my life.  I have made it this far and I don’t believe God will leave me now.  Three years, six months, and 2 weeks ago this day, I lost my faith.  I didn’t believe that I could face another day, take another breath, or even think about tomorrow.  But I did and I am here only by His grace.  There is not a day that has gone by since that fateful summer day in June 2009, that I don’t think about Michael, not once but many times.  There are still many days I wake up with a heaviness and a sadness that washes over me.  That has become my norm and I know that days like these will forever be a part of me.  So I brace myself for the tears should they come, or the emptiness that won’t be filled, or the comfort of knowing that this too shall pass.  Because it will and it does.  Michael is gone. Nothing I wish or hope or even pray for, can ever change that reality.  He is gone and life goes on without him.  It will be the same song, different verse for everyone.  Time is the teacher and it has taught me well.

Over these years and months and days of trying to understand what makes people do the things they do giving no thought to the consequences of their actions or the pain it will cause to others, I have come to accept that this is the world that we have come to live in.  Michael knew it and he tried to show us the error of our ways, get us to open our eyes and start making a change, before it was too late.  He was the messenger and was taken away by the very same lack of compassion that he tried to warn us about. He was afraid for the planet, for the children. Little did he know that before his words were cold on his lips that he would become the victim of the crime he so wanted to shield us from.  But when I look back on all those before him who tried to save the world using love as the weapon, their fates too were sealed.  It’s as if evil will not allow goodness to flourish and when it gets close enough to be a possibility death knocks on the door and someone lets it in.  Should we have known that by now?  Possibly.  But maybe we thought that this time, the door would be double bolted against the evil outside, forgetting that the devil is a liar and sometimes he’s already inside, an invited guest eating at our table.

In this lifetime, I probably will not see the world that Michael envisioned.  But I do believe that if the world continues to exist, that it will change.  It has to.  So I walk by faith that Michael and those who died before him for the sake of trying to save the world did not die in vain.  The energy, the love and the light that shone so brightly around and about them is still here and someday it will all combine together and form an impenetrable circle around this planet that no man can break.  That’s when everything that Michael spoke of, believed and shared with the world will come to pass and his words will live again.  His dream will finally dance. I have faith that God would not allow so many good people, God fearing people, to die for doing his good tidings; trying to teach the love he said we must have in our hearts, and then just leave them.  He will have the last stand, and they will dance.