Four Years...

Just sitting here tonight thinking that wow, in little more than 4 months, it will be four years since Michael Jackson, the kindest man who ever lived, died at the hands of those sworn to and oath of care for him.  Four years!  It makes me remember that one of the last things Michael told us was that we had 4 years to get it right.  Perhaps he was talking about the planet and the environment.  Perhaps he was talking about learning to love each other & living a peaceful co-existence. Or perhaps he was talking about him. I am the perpetual skeptic and one who has always believed that Michael knew that things were being planned and plotted against him.  Perhaps it was a message for us, giving us time to go through the many stages that would come with grief should tragedy befall him, to continue to question with an open mind what we would be told, the lies we would be fed.  Four years is still time enough to make wrongs right in most legal situations.  I will always believe there was a conspiracy behind Michael Jackson’s death.  I might never be able to see it proven, but I do believe that one day all truth will be revealed and will see the light of day.

Michael Jackson had a mind of his own, with his own agendas, and his own outlook.  He was the most prolific entertainer in the world. He had more than most of everything and stood to gain even more.  But he had no line item on his ledger to re-invest his fortune into the business.  No, no… not Michael!  He had other, far greater aspirations.  He did not intend to re-invest into SONY or any other industry.  He had plans to use his hard earned earnings for children and their causes.  He told us as much.  And just as we heard it from his own lips, certainly so did others who felt they would lose out on any such deal.  Even though they tried to bleed him dry off the top, even taking here and there that which wasn’t theirs for the taking, they were still greedy and envious and felt obliged to even more.  It feels as if there was an animosity in the air, and Michael knew the risks he faced.  Who knows what kind of stressors were placed on Michael after these announcements were made.  I mean, how dare he!  He told us that these will be my last shows.  What?  That’s a hell of an announcement to the ears of ones eager for it to go on and on so they would get richer and richer.  And to think that even from this final endeavor, there were no plans to break off an extra piece for the Industry.

There have been a lot revealed, a lot alleged, and a lot of suspicion over these 3 plus years since losing Michael.  Something’s got to give.  I only hope that we have learned something and have used this time to reflect and research and been a positive force on this earth.  In these 4 years that Michael told us we had to get it right, I hope in our own way we have been working towards that end; be it to change the world, save the planet, becoming more compassionate, or simply trying to tie all the loose ends together.  I just hope that we each are doing our parts.  It takes all of it. No offering is too small. Every one matters.

Come June 25, 2013 when I stand at the entrance of Forest Lawn, I want to be able to say to Michael that I am doing and will continue to do my best to make a change. I want him to know my heart and that I have always believed in him and what he stood for, over and above anybody else.  I want to be able to stand there in honor of him and finally say out loud Michael, I love you, I love you more.  Though I won’t be able to see his face or hear his voice, I know that he will hear me and I know that he will smile.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in his sight.  I know what must have been in his heart when he said we are the world…

And I will walk by faith

Today is January 7, 2013, a brand new year.  Tomorrow begins the  2nd week of the rest of my life.  I have made it this far and I don’t believe God will leave me now.  Three years, six months, and 2 weeks ago this day, I lost my faith.  I didn’t believe that I could face another day, take another breath, or even think about tomorrow.  But I did and I am here only by His grace.  There is not a day that has gone by since that fateful summer day in June 2009, that I don’t think about Michael, not once but many times.  There are still many days I wake up with a heaviness and a sadness that washes over me.  That has become my norm and I know that days like these will forever be a part of me.  So I brace myself for the tears should they come, or the emptiness that won’t be filled, or the comfort of knowing that this too shall pass.  Because it will and it does.  Michael is gone. Nothing I wish or hope or even pray for, can ever change that reality.  He is gone and life goes on without him.  It will be the same song, different verse for everyone.  Time is the teacher and it has taught me well.

Over these years and months and days of trying to understand what makes people do the things they do giving no thought to the consequences of their actions or the pain it will cause to others, I have come to accept that this is the world that we have come to live in.  Michael knew it and he tried to show us the error of our ways, get us to open our eyes and start making a change, before it was too late.  He was the messenger and was taken away by the very same lack of compassion that he tried to warn us about. He was afraid for the planet, for the children. Little did he know that before his words were cold on his lips that he would become the victim of the crime he so wanted to shield us from.  But when I look back on all those before him who tried to save the world using love as the weapon, their fates too were sealed.  It’s as if evil will not allow goodness to flourish and when it gets close enough to be a possibility death knocks on the door and someone lets it in.  Should we have known that by now?  Possibly.  But maybe we thought that this time, the door would be double bolted against the evil outside, forgetting that the devil is a liar and sometimes he’s already inside, an invited guest eating at our table.

In this lifetime, I probably will not see the world that Michael envisioned.  But I do believe that if the world continues to exist, that it will change.  It has to.  So I walk by faith that Michael and those who died before him for the sake of trying to save the world did not die in vain.  The energy, the love and the light that shone so brightly around and about them is still here and someday it will all combine together and form an impenetrable circle around this planet that no man can break.  That’s when everything that Michael spoke of, believed and shared with the world will come to pass and his words will live again.  His dream will finally dance. I have faith that God would not allow so many good people, God fearing people, to die for doing his good tidings; trying to teach the love he said we must have in our hearts, and then just leave them.  He will have the last stand, and they will dance.